Token
by DreamShadow22452
Summary: A Grieving mother flips through the diary of a child she lost to the hunger games.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first story with chapters, hope you all like it!**

**I am not Suzanne Collins, I do not own the Hunger Games**

The rain pouring over the funeral reflects my emotions as I stare at the spot where my only daughter has just been buried. I know everyone has already left, I know I should to, but I just can't, because this is all I have left of her and I know that once I turn around she will be truly gone. My thoughts are interrupted by the appearance of a peacekeeper behind me.

"The Funeral is over, you must return to your home."

"Of course" I respond, trying and failing to hold back tears as I turn to face him. I start to solemnly walk back home but he catches me by the arm.

"I was told to give this to you." He says in an emotionless voice. He hands me a small black diary that I recognize immediately.

"It was her's. The diary she kept in the arena." I honestly don't know why she would have wanted to keep a record of the worst, and last, days of her life but it was her token and very special to her. I take it, hanging on to every last thing I have to remind myself of her. "Did they read it?" I ask, suddenly repulsed at the thought of Capitol people reading my daughter's most intimate thoughts and feelings.

"Only the first page" The peacekeeper answers in the same monotone voice as before, then he turns and walks away.

"Thank you!" I call after him. I then proceed to walk down the dusty roads of district 11, head bent, protecting from the rain the small diary that is my last remnant of Thalia Morgan.

I sit down at the table, looking at the unoccupied chair across from me. The house feels so empty without her now that I know she won't come back. I start to flip through the book and, to my surprise, I don't find regular diary entries but letters. They are addressed to various people: the capitol, her loved ones, me. I turn to the first page and begin to read.

**A/N: Hope you guys liked it! Hopefully I will post the next chapter (Which will be the first letter) soon but first I need you to review!**


	2. Chapter 2

__**A/N: So here is Thalia's first letter (the one the capitol read). I think my next challenge will have to be to write something actually cheerful or long for once, I seem incapable of both! :P **

_To the capitol,_

_Congratulations, you have successfully ruined the life of another innocent child._

_Why do you do this? _How _can you do this? What do you gain from killing children like me? Is this just a way to prove much power you have over us? That's what I think at least, I mean you can't still be punishing us for the rebellion? That was our ancestors, 40 years ago. We don't want to rebel, I mean things could be better but I don't have anything against the capitol, and if anything you're just giving us a reason to rebel, making us live in fear of being reaped. Well, my worst fears have been realized, happy? I'll bet you are. You don't know what it's like, waking up every morning with the threat of the hunger games looming over you, being forced to watch the games, knowing that next year it could be you that's brutally murdered for the entertainment of you capitol people. Making yourself sick with worry every time you have to take out the tesserae, barely being able to choke down what little food you made from it, because you know it could be the death of you. For 4 years now, I have watched your games, seen my friends die, and known all along that I am eligible for the games, that it could have been me._

_Do you know what my escort said when I was reaped? She said I was _lucky_ and _brave_, that it's an _honour _to compete in the hunger games. Is that really how you guys think? It's despicable, I simply can't believe it._

_I know you will read this, since you must inspect all tokens. I don't care what you do,you could read this to all of the capitol, all of Panem for all I care, but I want 1 favour: If I die, you must give this diary to my mother._

_Sincerely, _

_Thalia_

__**A/N: Hope you liked it! Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

__**A/N: Second Chapter, and in the same day! lol I must not have a life. Again, please review if you haven't already!**

I am not Suzanne Collins, I do not own the Hunger Games

_To my loved ones,_

_I miss you. I have been in the capitol only a few days and already I hate it and wish I were back in 11. At first it was beautiful and amazing, with the huge buildings and crazy technology, but these people make me sick. They care about nothing more than their appearance and personal entertainment. The only reason they pay any attention to us is so that they can decide who to sponsor and who to bet on, and when we die the only reason they will be sad is because they will have lost a lot of money, and then they will find a new tribute next year. _

_I have been dressed up and paraded in front of them, a thoroughly humiliating experience. I want you all to know that that girl you saw on T.V, smiling and waving, blowing kisses, that's not me. On the inside I was really glaring at the audience. I know you saw me, and will later, I wish I could see you sometime before I die. Wouldn't it be interesting if they could show the tributes tapes of their districts before entering the arena? I would love that, maybe I should have brought a picture instead of this diary. No, this way I can write letters to you, supposing you get this. I wouldn't be surprised the the capitol took this away, the tokens of dead tributes don't exactly mean much. Not that I plan on dying, It's just that, well, there's only a 1 in 24 chance..._

_Anyways, Today I started training and got a good look at how skilled the other tributes are. I already knew to stay away from the careers, but it turns out that the girl from 7 and the boy from 10 are pretty dangerous as well. I've made an alliance with the 8 girl, Abigail, and the 10 girl, Leila, who are both very kind. They are my age and know a bit about survival just like me, Leila can also use a few weapons as she works at the butcher shop in 10, and Abby is very smart and learns very quickly. We've all been wandering between stations, hopefully making an okay impression without seeming like threats, as we haven't gotten into any fights. Hopefully I will return home alive to see you all again._

_Sincerely,_

_Thalia_


	4. Chapter 4

_To my loved ones, _

_A 6! I actually managed to pull a 6 in training! Of course you know this, you saw it on T.V, but I'm just so excited! I didn't think I'd do that well, I just did a bit of survival and agility, then I showed them what I'd learned with knives. I was hoping for a 4, but a 6? Abby pulled a 7, she always learned everything so quickly, and Leila actually got an 8! I guess this makes me the weaker tribute in the alliance, but I don't really mind, especially since the gamemakers weren't paying much attention to either of us. It scares me that the alliance can't last too long, but I suppose I shouldn't be thinking that way just yet._

_I've spent the whole day preparing for tomorrow's interview, which I'm pretty nervous about. I'm going to play likeable and modest, which I'm very good at. I know I shouldn't be scared, I've always been so good at making friends, but what if what's likeable in 11 isn't in the capitol? I don't know what I'll do without sponsors, I doubt I would survive very long. _

_According to my very optimistic (note the sarcasm) escort, Citrine Opal, a lot depends on this interview and 11 isn't exactly a very popular choice, so I really have to make people like me. Apparently I desperately need at least a few, so I'll have to be a good little actress and erase any doubt from all minds in Pamen that I will win these games. I guess we'll find out whether I perform well under pressure or not tomorrow!  
_

_Honestly, I think I'd do much better in the games without my annoying escort and prep team. It's thanks to them that my feet hurt so bad I probably won't be able to walk, my skin is itchy and irritated from all the creams so I'll probably be scratching myself throughout my entire interview, and I'm actually nervous. I know I shouldn't be, people have always loved me without me trying to hard, but her "encouragement" just makes things worse. I can't help wondering if maybe she's right, and the capitol won't like me as much as everyone else. It's clear she has no faith in district 11, and wants us to win not because she would mind if we died, but simply so that she would love to be promoted to a better district.  
_

_Anyway, enough ranting about the 11 escort (I should have written her a letter), I hope that my allies and I all have well enough interviews and get lots of sponsors, since we'll probably be sharing our gifts. I bid you farewell for today, and in my next letter, after the interviews, my fate will have pretty much been determined.  
_

_Sincerely,_

_Thalia  
_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Longest chapter yet! Yay!_  
_**

_Mother,_

_I can't sleep. Remember when you would climb into bed with me and hold me until I fell asleep? You would assure me that everything would be fine no matter what happened, even if I knew that wasn't true. I'm so far from home tonight, I hadn't thought about it much before now, but I'm homesick. It makes it worse to think that I might not make it home alive. I find myself thinking of the place I might never see again, of the orchards and the fields and the mockingjays in the trees. I even miss the peacekeepers, because they seem like such silly people to fear now, almost kind and caring compared to what I will be facing tomorrow. I am staring at the moon now, as it connects me to the rest of the word, everyone can see it. Are you looking at it to? That thought comforts me. I wonder how many people in Panem are lying awake right now, staring at the moon, wishing tomorrow would never come. Me, the other tributes, my friends, you. The capitol is awake as well, but for a different reason, did you know that they party all night before the games? They just can't wait to see us die. I feel so alone tonight, no one here is willing to comfort me, they think I'm excited to enter the arena tomorrow. No one in their right mind would be, well, there's the careers but after training and interviews I personally don't think they are in their right minds._

_Speaking of the interviews, I'm sure you were proud of me last night. Didn't I look beautiful in that pink dress? The things the capitol can do with clothing amazes me, they knew exactly how to make me look as good as possible. I suppose I did relatively well, and the audience seemed to like me, I made myself seem brave and optimistic without being overconfident. I didn't reveal any strategies but hinted at a few, leaving the capitol intrigued like Citrine told me to. Leila was absolutely charming, I'm sure she'll get tons of sponsors. I know I shouldn't get attached to my allies just yet but I honestly don't know how I am going to kill them, or even stand them dying. I guess that's a dangerous weakness, getting too attached, I've seen it claim many promising tributes before. I will have to do my best to hide it, I guess. I'm scared, I don't know how long I will be able to stay strong for the audience. That's the thing with the games, everyone is constantly watching you, so if you look weak, chances are you won't be making it out. I always thought of myself as a strong person, but facing the possibility - no, probability, of death I find myself breaking down more often, seeming weak, I have cried myself to sleep more than once. That is why I am writing to you, and not to anyone else, because on what might end up being my last night I want to think of home, of work, of happiness, of where I was strong and brave. Not of a world of blood and gore where everyone is trying to kill me and I can't get a decent night's sleep. Every time I see a tribute now all I can think about is their corpse lying at my feet, their blood staining my shoes. What kind of world is this? I wonder if things will ever change, if maybe a new generation will be able to live without fear, without death, without struggle. I would like that, though I don't think a rebellion would be worth that. We might not even win, so many people would die. The hunger games only kill 23 kids a year, and as morbid as that is it's not as bad as a rebellion would be. Maybe President Snow could be convinced to stop the games, surely someone could talk some sense into him? Why would he want to kill us anyway? It's sick to think about.  
_

_Anyways, I know I have strayed off topic a lot, but I think I might be able to sleep for a little bit, hopefully without nightmares, and though I hate the thought of it, if this is my last entry I want you to know that I love you. Please stay strong for me.  
_

_Sincerely,  
_

_Thalia  
_

**Please, please, please review!_  
_**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: First long chapter! So sorry for the incredibly late update, I was on vacation, then busy, then I just kinda forgot, but I will try to get on more often from now on!**_  
_

_To the Rebels,_

_I am writing to you because I know that you exist. No one could ever go through what I just did and not want to kill the person that caused it. I want you to know that I am entirely on your side, and even if I never get to meet you I would like to do whatever I can to support your cause. So though I hate the thought of it, I will recount everything that has happened so that maybe you could use it one day._

_Leila is gone. Dead. She's never coming back. I saw her die, I was holding her hand, leading her away along with Abigail when the girl from 1 got her with a knife in the back. Her blood still stains my fingers and I can't seem to get it off. What if there was something I could have done to keep her alive? I feel responsible in some way, I _had_ been right beside her. I scares me to think that I was so close to dying too, just a few centimeters to the right and it would have been me instead of her. I guess I am lucky to have made it but I hate thinking that way, it makes it sound like I don't care about Leila, like I am glad it was her instead of me. Well, I guess I am glad it was but that still sounds so wrong. It brings tears to my eyes to think that no one will remember her, that she will become one of the many faceless tributes killed in the bloodbath, not even good enough to make it past the first day. If I ever make it home, I will make sure everyone gets remembered, especially the good people like her. Is that what you rebels try to do? Or maybe you will do it later? I hope you do. Well then, to help you out, maybe I should write a bit about her.  
_

_I honestly thought Leila would win. She was smart, dedicated, and stronger than most of us. She had no problem with killing, being a butcher, but she didn't enjoy it, and she always felt bad about it, she once told me. She could use many weapons with ease and skill, though she was holding back in training. You could see in her eyes that she wanted, needed to win to support her family. Her sister is only 2 years old, and will probably forget her like the rest of the world. I wonder if that's a good thing. It would be better for her, not feeling the grief, but ten times worse for everyone else. I know for a fact that Leila would be heartbroken if her beloved sister forgot about her, she loved her so much. I also wonder what would happen to the rest of the family: Her mother, father, and older brother, it must be terrible for them. I think that Leila never really cared whether she lived or died, it was the thought of those she would leave behind that kept her so determined to survive. All it took to end all that was a slip of paper in a bowl. I hope she is happy now, and that she will never be forgotten.  
_

_I should take this experience as a sign that I need to keep my remaining ally closer, get to know her, protect her. Or should I? Would it be better if I just left Abigail now, Let her die on her own? I would be easier on me, would help avoid a repeat of this morning. No, I could never do such a thing. We need to stick together in these games, and then figure something out later. If we even make it that far. I wonder if she would leave me, if she is thinking the same things as me. I guess I don't know her well enough, maybe she doesn't even care about me that much. I am the weaker one in the alliance, after all, and maybe she has her own special reason to win. I guess it would be easier on me if she left, that way I would never have to live with the guilt, but I am a social person and, let's face it, I doubt I could win on my own.  
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_Good Luck in your cause, I am with you until the end,  
_

_Thalia Morgan  
_


End file.
